What qualifies a person or an entity as toxic? My definition is one who undermines your forward progress, makes you feel inadequate, and treats you, your emotions, and your truths with constant reckless negativity. (No one will ever treat you perfectly all the time, so minor transgressions from time to time are more or less par for the course in a human relationship – what you need to watch for is a consistent disregard for YOU as a fellow human being.)
What is my definition worth? I'm no recognized expert, but I've dealt with my share of narcissists, sociopaths, and psychopaths. Also, I'll add that the above definition rings true to me in light of these experiences. So, agree with me or not, I'll invite you on the journey through the morass of toxicity.
Each of us has a self-image, positive, neutral, or negative. It's worth noting that most of us are self-critical, so our self-image tends to tilt negatively. I've heard it said that you need ten positive comments to offset the damage one single negative comment can wreak on your self-image. A toxic person can make you feel worthless and unimportant with no more than a single well-played barb. And how do we come back from the deficit created by said toxic person/group? Slowly, and often with great self-doubt that we deserve better.
Toxic people (and toxic groups of people) bank on us having a negative self-image to start with – after all, it's far easier to "convince" someone of their worthlessness when it's virtually a standard fallback position. WHY, you ask, are we so negative? WHY does it take ten positive comments to the one negative one to make a difference?
WHY? Because it freaking HURTS when someone says something mean or thoughtless. And, unless we have a rose-colored opinion of ourselves (which has its own set of problems attached to it), those comments steadily chip away at our self-image. Toxic people/groups have an uncanny talent for making us question ourselves at best; and, at worst, to feel worthless.
In my experience, toxicity is something we can't take lightly. The worse our self-image, the more likely the Beast that is suicidality is to pay a visit. When we feel horrible about ourselves, the Beast will take the opportunity to roar at us, to question ourselves – our very worth.
For some, this will be enough to fuel suicidal thoughts; for others, this will fuel suicidal acts. I cannot emphasize enough how important it is to develop and maintain a positive or at least neutral self-image. Just as you put on suntan lotion to prevent sunburn, soak in the positive comments – they are your antidote to the kryptonite that toxic people exude. Stand up, stand tall, and don't let toxicity rule the day.
Love this, and you are so right that we tend to remember negative comments far more than the positive comments that we deserve to remember!!! We all need to remember to give ourselves positive self talk, thanks for detailing and describing this so clearly. Inspiring as always!!!