Support Systems Part I: Friends & Family

First things first: I realize I’m late to the party – I am seriously tardy in posting this blog entry. Truth be told, I was at two psych hospitals, one after the other, and at the second, I did not have access to the program I use to write my blog posts. My mental illness can make my life rather unpredictable, to say the least – never a dull moment! But in truth, my hospitalizations were crucially important – after all, I was getting help in battling the Beast, and that’s the most important thing.

One of the most important questions you can ask yourself is WHO, exactly, deserves to know about (and can handle your struggle with) the Beast? Keep in mind that the Beast thrives on secrecy – the more we talk about it, the better able we are to defuse it.

So, ask yourself, who deserves to be your audience? Mine, for example, has four prongs: friends, family, furkids, and mental health professionals, in no particular order. In part one, I address my friends and family.

I am blessed with a best friend who just gets me. He has a gift for making my often fractured self feel whole and has borne the test of time (I’ve known him for more than twenty years). It wasn’t always this way – in the pre-Todd years, I often felt very lonely. Remember, the Beast loves it when we feel disenfranchised and alone.

Truth be told, when I was constantly bouncing in and out of the local crisis hospital, Todd was the one who packed me a bag and showed up with a strawberry milkshake during visiting hours. Those little gestures were the foundation of a trusting relationship where I have never felt judged, not even once.

Todd is only a call, text, or instant message away, and oftentimes, just knowing that is enough to get me by. Other times, hearing the voice of someone so solidly in your corner is just what the doctor ordered (and what the Beast hates).

The second prong of my support system is my family. Here is where I give a few caveats:

• Families are complicated and messy and there are just as many unspoken as spoken expectations within a family system.

• Not everyone has a family that can cope with the Beast: many families cannot.

• Remember, not everyone deserves to be your audience.

• If your family is unsupportive, for whatever reason, remember what my best friend always says, “You have the family you were born with and the family you choose.” (Like many families, mine is complicated – but I have learned that they are instrumental in achieving and maintaining my mental health).

For many years, I turned to my family of choice instead of my family of origin because I wasn’t sure how the latter would react, as well as out of a belief (which proved inaccurate) that I needed to protect them from the Beast. What I learned is that they just want the best for me, Beast be damned.

Do NOT fall prey to the belief that no one will accept you if your family doesn’t — nothing could be farther from the truth. Your particular support system could look entirely different from mine, and might not even include family because of personal choice or situation.

There are no rights or wrongs. Sometimes I value my animals’ silence above anything anybody can say. Stay tuned for social supports, part two: animals and mental health professionals.

Introducing Landis, my old, cranky yet utterly loveable Basset hound.