Passengers vs Pilots. What is the difference? Does it even matter? Well, it does. Here’s the long and short of it: Passengers are passive, whereas Pilots are active doers. It’s important to understand that Passengers, in doing nothing, can do a lot. Often, they allow their mental and or physical health to deteriorate, sometimes even to the point of “passive suicidality.”
What do I mean by passive suicidality? Well, using myself as an example: I have a family full of women who have had breast cancer. I saw my mother’s breast cancer specialist after several years of missed mammograms. She kindly remonstrated me, but her message was clear – she knew I dealt with mental illness and suicidality – she said that I was basically at high risk for dying by not taking care of myself. And she was right – I wanted to die, but I wanted to spare my family and friends the mess of my suicide. Instead, I hoped to die by ignoring a major part of my wellness and well-being.
Was I being a Passenger or a Pilot? Arguably, a little of both. I was passively ignoring my breast health, so the argument can be made that I was a Passenger. At the same time, I was orchestrating my suicide, just as much as if I’d downed a ginormous bottle of Tylenol (I tried that once; I wouldn’t recommend it).
The best way I can explain the difference between Passengers and Pilots is by using an example from my passion: horseback riding. I have spent the past year and a half getting to know my “new” horse, and we’ve both adjusted to each other. That means we have developed a relationship based on trust and mutual admiration: in sum, we’re always happy to see each other! (This may have to do with the cookies I give her, lol!) But, in all honesty, we have each other’s back.
I learned something yesterday – and I feel silly that I just got around to learning this about her – she is much harder to ride to the jumps when she is trotting slower. Why was I trotting slowly? Because I thought if I could keep her from trotting faster that she wouldn’t jump as hard over the jumps. In essence, I was being a Passenger. I let her be the Pilot instead of me.
During my lessons yesterday and today, I became someone else indeed – I became a Pilot!! Just like my trainer had been asking me to, I started trotting the jumps in a brisk, businesslike manner. And what happened? The jumps got easier rather than harder!! Essentially, once I got off my duff and directly addressed the problem, I moved from being a Passenger to being a Pilot. Why it took so long to sink in, I have no idea, but I’m glad it did.
So, what does being a Passenger or a Pilot have to do with the Beast? Well, the Beast is loathe for us to chart our own course – the Beast likes us to be passive and easily led astray. Now, being a Pilot doesn’t necessarily make you immune to the Beast, but it gives you an edge, and in the game of life, sometimes an edge is all you need.
Being a Pilot is often thankless and often the more difficult of the Passenger/Pilot dichotomy. It won’t be easy. Like it or not, you are the author of your own story. If it’s not going in a direction you like, consult your own true North and steer your life in a different direction. Remember, we only get one shot at this, so stretch your limits: you might just find the holy grail: a reason to live.
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