My Resolutions, You Ask? Not a One. NADA.

So, am I Ebenezer? Bah Humbug?? I mean, who doesn’t make resolutions? (Well, me for one! Hold on - that’s coming up.) The way I see it, for most humans, resolutions are just setting them up for failure. Why you ask? Well, I have a theory: resolutions are often made near the end of the year, and there is a nostalgic pull during the holidays – a pull for being a better person (you tell people Merry Christmas, you tip your mailman, you buy gifts for friends and family, you send out holiday cards with handwritten notes, etc., etc.), a pull for new beginnings with the impending New Year.

Resolutions, in my opinion, have the distinct capacity for making people feel bad about themselves. Take weight, for example: losing weight is one of the most popular – and one of the most failed – resolutions in the New Year. Why? I see it as a problem, not of failed willpower but, in most cases, of being overwhelmed. People tend not to make a resolution for getting out and moving, for taking a walk X number of days of the week. No, people say they want to lose 50 lbs. When they fail to lose the weight, they feel like a total and complete failure and give up.

So, in a nod to the example above of a resolution to lose weight, I’ll admit I wouldn’t mind losing some. Yet, I’ve also said that I don’t make resolutions. Now you ask the logical question – why wouldn’t I just make a resolution to lose weight? I mean, that would only make sense, right?? I would argue, however, an emphatic “NO!” Why? Truth be told, I made lofty New Year’s resolutions for too many things over too many years and felt dejected and let down when I repeatedly failed to make good on my resolutions.

So, what do I have against resolutions? I posit that they don’t give any leeway for error – they are nothing more than ultimatums. Either you meet the parameters of your resolution, or you don’t. You succeed, or you fail. I believe that resolutions are a setup for failure. Then what do you do instead? Instead of making lofty resolutions, you would argue that you create a set of healthy, bite-sized, and progressive goals.

For example, say you really want to lose those fifty pounds (I sure do)! It is imperative to remember that Rome wasn’t built in a day, and neither will losing weight happen overnight. Baby steps. Losing weight – or any important and weighty (haha!) goal – is all about baby steps. Commit to walking three days a week, then walk five to six days a week. (Maybe then look into adding a gym membership for a water aerobics class or some weight training, etc.) Personally, I walk most days of the week, and I work out with a personal trainer at 6:30 am (YIKES!) two days a week…the early time means I don’t have any excuse(s) not to show up! Be successful at each intermediate goal before tackling the next. Did I mention baby steps?

Now, here’s my cynical take on resolutions: when it comes to the example of weight loss, there IS a reason that you see gyms advertising cheap memberships and promotions during the holidays. They count on resolution-makers to feel shame about not working out to keep them paying month after month because they “still plan” to go to the gym in the future and don’t want to face the fact that they failed their resolution. (Remember, no one likes to fail, and resolutions are a setup for failure.)

So, you have already made your resolutions? So, what in God’s name is keeping you from turning your ultimatum-infested New Year’s tradition into a series of goals that are actually actionable – baby steps? No one is telling you that you can’t revise your expectations for yourself. Doing so shows mental flexibility – one of the most important attributes of the human brain.

When it comes down to it, failing to live up to our resolutions can induce intense feelings of shame. Battling feelings of shame is a part of our daily experience, and the last thing we need is to add to our preexisting shame load. Feeling shame is a significant driver of depression and gives the Beast that is suicidality a foot in the door. Don’t give the Beast an “in.” Check that your goals meet the SMART acronym: Specific, Measurable, Attainable, Realistic, Timely). Make progress. Get where you want to go. Stop the hemorrhaging resolutions and give yourself a fighting chance to succeed.