Small Wins or Big Wins?

I wrote recently that I went to a horse show and competed against a bunch of tots on ponies – and got smoked by said tots and ponies in all but one class. At first, I was really hard on myself; I looked at it as an exercise in failure. Those words: worthless, useless, hopeless, failure – they follow me everywhere. I looked at my sole blue ribbon and felt horribly inadequate.

And then I took a step back: what if I didn’t look at this as a massive failure, but a small win? I couldn’t deny it, one of those ribbons WAS blue. So I looked internally and realized I had a choice: big failure or small win. Every part of me said, “big failure.” But I was just getting started.

Optimism is key to being successful. While it is possible to succeed while being pessimistic, a little optimism goes a long way. Believing in oneself is instrumental in laying the tracks for success.

Interestingly, sometimes small wins can be bigger than large wins. Why? Well, sometimes getting over the small humps can be the real work. A handy example would be achieving a seemingly small goal in my riding – getting back in the horse show ring.  While it might seem unimportant, it meant a great deal to me. Returning to the show ring – and winning a blue ribbon – that was a win-win. 

It's important to note that what is a small win for one person can be a big win for someone else. Those pesky pony kids probably regarded their wins as happy events, but not earth-shattering. My one blue ribbon in my classes was actually a not-so-small win. When I  took a step back, it was a Big Deal: it was my first show back since having brain surgery.

There are plenty such comparisons – the first chair violinist in a symphony may think “meh” or that their accomplishment is only so-so; that they should be a member of an even more prestigious symphony, whereas the second chair in that very same orchestra might be over the moon at their accomplishment.

They say “don’t sweat the small stuff,” and they are right – it’s important not to overreact to life’s minor inconveniences. But by the same token, take note of the small stuff: you might be surprised at what you uncover.

I long ago made a policy that I wouldn’t sweat the irrelevant small stuff. I have (mostly) kept my word. (We’re all subject to mistakes, and I very much look at myself as a work in progress.) But I try to give myself the “wins” (yes, even the small wins!). Taking note of wins (big and/or small) gives me a leg up on the Beast that is suicidality. The Beast feeds off our perceived failures and uncelebrated wins. And why, oh why, should we give the Beast an edge?? It’s hard enough to get through our daily lives without helping our nemesis. Remember: you are worth so much more than the Beast tells you. So don’t give up; don’t ignore your wins. You are worth it, and so much more.